Pastor Terri Young

SAYING GOODBYE

Goodbyes are sometimes very difficult. I suspect that most of us would rather “weasel” out of saying goodbye. Maybe there are unresolved parts of the relationship. One has to say goodbye, knowing that in this life these unresolved differences may never be resolved.

And then there are the goodbyes that are painful in the other direction: you have grown used to that person, as the lovely Lowe and Lerner melody from “My Fair Lady” hymns: I’ve grown accustomed to her face and the loss of that person to your unique circle of friends is real.

Roy Oswald, in his short essay, “Running Through the Thistles”, posits that “hello” and “goodbye” are two of the most significant words we utter. He goes so far as to say that people who cannot adjust to life have not mastered either how to say “hello” or “goodbye”. How we say “hello” and how we say “goodbye”, he maintains, have everything to do with how we relate to God and to one another.

Most of us, he concludes, would rather run through the thistles rather than accept the pain of goodbye.

I remember clearly some of the hello’s: Diana had cleaned and prepared the office at 9606 so that everything was “move-in ready”, cheerful and comfortable. John (P.) had prepared all of the necessary forms and documents, even set key addresses on the office computer (even though he was away on vacation at the time) so that I could dig right in. I remember Nancy (N.) greeting me when I was moving in, welcoming Dylan with dog biscuits and then (on another occasion) driving me all over Cleveland Heights and other parts of the city so that I could orient myself to the neighborhood. I remember a delicious home-cooked meal at the Baker’s, given so that I could meet some people in the church (and catch a drift of political persuasions!) For the first time, that evening, I really felt at home. I remember Kathie snapping a picture every time I moved and Phyllis setting a beautiful table for a welcoming coffee hour. It all seems so far away now! But I so appreciated the loving hello’s.

And now for the goodbyes. I’ve made some close friends who have taught me many new things. I have learned a lot from serving a rather unique bi-racial church. I will carry you with me wherever I go. As the saying puts it: “I am become a room full of people.” I hope that you will not run through the thistles and not say goodbye because it is too painful.

And then I have made some “enemies” (potential friends) with whom things may remain unresolved while we are still in this life. I hope you also will not run through the thistles because whatever remains unresolved you will carry into the relationship with your next pastor. That’s not a threat; it is a fact of life. The new pastor deserves your best. I hope s/he will be able to bring out the best in you.

Long ago, Anne Hancock, UCC interim pastor, published these guidelines for saying “hello” to your new pastor. I pass these on to you as solid advice:

1. Communication is vital. Don’t assume that the new pastor knows what your needs are. Don’t assume anything! Don’t wait to see how long it takes for her to visit you. If you’d like a visit, tell her. Talk to her about your concerns; don’t burden the grapevine.

2. Show compassion. Give her time to learn your names, customs, traditions, personal histories and to recognize who is suffering or lonely. Practice forgiveness when she has lapses.

3. Developing a relationship takes time. Give of yourselves and your time. Try to anticipate her needs. Invite her to dinner. Be charitable. Offer praise as well as constructive criticism. Try to show her your best side.

4. Keep a sense of humor. Laughing with each other is essential.

5. Share responsibility. Help out. Dealing with the details wears down the pastor. Remind your new pastor to take time for personal renewal.

6. Growth means change. The new pastor will help you grow but all growth has growing pains or discomfort as we leave the familiar behind.

7. Seek God’s desires for you. Prayer and evaluation are both necessary in order to discern God’s will. Take the time.

8. Do all of the above in the Spirit of our common Lord.

I wish you all good things and God’s blessings on your new relationship. As of September 7th, I will not respond to any pastoral requests. However, I will remain your friend,
Pastor Terri

Pastor Terri’s office hours
are (approximately) as follows:

M-T-W: 9:15 - 2:30
Th day off
F: 9:15 -12:30.

Appointments can be made at anytime. Her phone numbers are available through the church office.

An Interview with Pastor Terri

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